Fast right now would look like loading up my car with my daughters and heading west...never to take my foot off the accelerator but to gas up. Slow looks like doing the painstaking work of looking for a job, a home, a school, friends and proving my value and worth all over again until I become tried, trusted and found to be true in my new surroundings. I miss the landscape of my former home. I miss even more the beautiful people, happy job, wonderful school that made such a gorgeous place our home. I have heard countless times that making a new home takes time. I get it. I have moved many a time before. But in this moment now it feels new and hard all over again. I am deeply grateful for the abundance of support we have received thus far. It takes the edge off for sure...but doesn't irradicate my knee jerk response to want to up and run when life feels hard and I feel stretched. Running on the playground today I walloped my head into a monkey bar set. This seems to be an uncomfortable pattern for me when I try to race ahead of myself....ahead of my heart and my feelings. Hard objects on the playground are a sure fire way to get my attention! Okay heart...I am listening. I will choose, again, to slow down...to take the required steps that are before me...to grieve what I have left behind, to feel the memories that scored deeply into my heart, to appreciate how blessed and provided for I was...so that I can look ahead with greater faith and confidence and see beyond the temporary unknowns. I know that I...we...will be taken care of...again. I trust that when I feel that nudge to step out, there is ground beneath to secure my footing. But for now I feel sadness stirring in my heart for all I have left behind...and gratitude for all I have been blessed with to miss something so much. To you who have touched our family's life along the way...thank you. You are cherished, missed and alive and well in our hearts.
I'm Kelly Isabelle.
Full-time workin' mama & spouse aspiring to live a slowly paced, sustainably minded, creatively expressed, clutter-free life shared with kindred folk.