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the power of return, healing, wholeness

1/30/2020

2 Comments

 
Sometimes the past seeps into the present unexpectedly...and uninvited.  It creeps in through the back door unbeknownst to the one it is greeting and it grates like fingernails on a chalkboard.  It is visiting me now.  I cannot define whether it is a he or a she.  I don't want to turn and look for fear of what I might see. 

I was going about my usual business this evening attending to the ordinary...yet aware of something I have been resisting and beginning to question why.  That is when the past made its presence known...haunting and taunting so that I would turn around and look.  It, he, she is clawing at my insides.  Regret, shame, embarrassment, anger, bitterness morph into sadness and pain as I slowly rotate my head enough in her direction to see. 

I think she sits hovering in the corner more often than I care to admit...and keeps me spinning my wheels fast enough to believe I am outpacing her and leaving her in the dust.  No chance.  The moment I slow just enough to feel, she whispers from behind..."I am still here...you can't outrun me...ever." 

As I turn to face her I see that somehow SHE is the other part of me I have been looking for.  She is power.  She is grit.  She is spunk.  She is tenacity.  She is the part of me I sever from when I think I have to do IT...whatever the IT of the moment is...all by myself.  She is me but she is bigger than the me I usually identify as.  She is not big in size but in energy. 

She sits quietly and moves with a stillness that hardly seems to accomplish much...but in her quietness and stillness she commands a rather impressive amount of space and attention.  As I hold my gaze in her direction she slowly emerges from the corner I have relegated her to.  She rises and we move toward one another.  She does not outpace me but matches my every step.  As we merge I feel a distinct shift in my energy and a warmth and pulsation that swells within my chest. 

She is Me.  I am Her.  We are One.  The past happened and the present is.  The only real separation exists within my mind.  I stand in gratitude for the power of return, healing, wholeness. 

2 Comments
Mary Francis link
2/1/2020 06:07:55 pm

Reclaiming ourselves is a powerful experience, and liberating as well. I’m glad to hear you’ve come home to yourself! Xoxo, MF 🙏❤️🕊

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Laura J.
2/3/2020 03:58:46 am

Thank you for sharing IT!

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    I'm Kelly Isabelle. 

    Full-time workin' mama & spouse aspiring to live a slowly paced, sustainably minded, creatively expressed, clutter-free life shared with kindred folk.

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