the power of return, healing, wholeness

Sometimes the past seeps into the present unexpectedly...and uninvited.  It creeps in through the back door unbeknownst to the one it is greeting and it grates like fingernails on a chalkboard.  It is visiting me now.  I cannot define whether it is a he or a she.  I don't want to turn and look for fear of what I might see. 

I was going about my usual business this evening attending to the ordinary...yet aware of something I have been resisting and beginning to question why.  That is when the past made its presence known...haunting and taunting so that I would turn around and look.  It, he, she is clawing at my insides.  Regret, shame, embarrassment, anger, bitterness morph into sadness and pain as I slowly rotate my head enough in her direction to see. 

I think she sits hovering in the corner more often than I care to admit...and keeps me spinning my wheels fast enough to believe I am outpacing her and leaving her in the dust.  No chance.  The moment I slow just enough to feel, she whispers from behind..."I am still here...you can't outrun me...ever." 

As I turn to face her I see that somehow SHE is the other part of me I have been looking for.  She is power.  She is grit.  She is spunk.  She is tenacity.  She is the part of me I sever from when I think I have to do IT...whatever the IT of the moment is...all by myself.  She is me but she is bigger than the me I usually identify as.  She is not big in size but in energy. 

She sits quietly and moves with a stillness that hardly seems to accomplish much...but in her quietness and stillness she commands a rather impressive amount of space and attention.  As I hold my gaze in her direction she slowly emerges from the corner I have relegated her to.  She rises and we move toward one another.  She does not outpace me but matches my every step.  As we merge I feel a distinct shift in my energy and a warmth and pulsation that swells within my chest. 

She is Me.  I am Her.  We are One.  The past happened and the present is.  The only real separation exists within my mind.  I stand in gratitude for the power of return, healing, wholeness.